Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2010)

So...I'll give you all a proper review.

This is a little indie film that can. It is in the vain of the 1970's exploitation films that have recently made a resurgence under the category "Grind-House". For those of you who don't know...they are called 'Grind-House' because back in the day...the only place the producers of these films could get them shown where in porn theaters and strip clubs (or grind houses).

There have been a lot of these films coming out lately...and I'm pretty pleased with that fact. I love the Blaxsploitation, Pinky Violence, and Roger Corman stuff, among others, so much that having modern fresh takes and ideas is just plain fun for me. (believe it or not...there is even a category called Nunsploitation...and this can easily fit into that category) Now surely...just as in the past, a lot of these films are turkeys and barely worth viewing once...at least barely worth viewing while not intoxicated. Lucky for me...and you...as you seem you may have an interest in this film, "Nude Nuns with Big Guns" is not one of those. This is the little indie that could. It is loaded with everything that makes a grind house film fun...hot babes, crazy action, and a bit of over the top exploitative film making. "Nuns" sets itself apart with it's clever direction, great looking cinematography, and pretty solid acting, the colors pop on the blu ray. This film is just a hoot. It is not for faint of heart...or the too conservative...but if you like you're guns blazing, and your corruption raunchy..this is the film for you. I walked into this film thinking it would be a one off..and a wasted night...I've seen it several times sense...it is just outrageous. If you want a quick splash of crazy in your life..in the vein of "Nun of That", "Machete", "Mrs. 45"...and other timeless pieces of celluloid wackiness then "Nude Nuns with big guns is not to be missed. Get it for the bottom shelf of your collection..you will not be sorry.

There are some really wonderful reviews here. I don't know if mine will measure up, but here goes...

I tripped across this diamond in the rough on cable channel 69666. Since I am bizarre by everyone's standards except my own I will take a moment to explain that when I am not out pretending to be like everyone else, I subsist on a diet of junk food and sexploitation movies...Oh wait, that IS when I'm pretending to be like everyone else...Never mind.

NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS---the title says it all. If you're a devout Catholic you may want to move to Vatican City in order to avoid this film, or otherwise accept the fact that you're going to hell just for being on this webpage.

A Mexican drug gang (Los Muertos = The Dead), led by a nun-raping murderous slugcharmer named Chavo, is being funded and supplied with cocaine by a corrupt Monsignor and his Churchly underlings who are using well-morphinated nude nuns to cut the stuff and mule it around in their habits (when they are wearing any between bouts of gratuitous lesbianism). The nunnery is being run by a fleshily repulsive penguin named Mother Magda, who also keeps the local brothel and strip club staffed with her little sisters of mercy.

After being shot full of smack and encountering the Angel of The Lord in her delirium, Sister Sarah finally has enough. Sarah listens to the Lord's command. She becomes a one-nun vigilante. Armed with pistols, shotguns, and a Thompson Submachine Gun she takes vengeance on all evildoers within her firing radius. It's Ash Wednesday Gone Wild as Sarah leaves powder burns on forehead after forehead. Saying that NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS is violent is like saying that Heinz makes 57 Varieties.

Given its low budget, NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS isn't as grotesquely graphic as most of the films in its grubby genre. The woman-on-woman sex, while titillating (pun?) isn't overly explicit. And the violence itself isn't as horrifying as it is absurd. The Director introduces each character with a gang graphic (for the Bad Guys) or a Cross (for those doing the Lord's Work), and provides subtitles for all the colorful Spanish obscenities that adorn this film like rosary beads. In other words, its a perfect One-and-a-Half-Star Five Star Grindhouse Epic.

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This is a Mexican Grindhouse style movie. The church supports drug dealers by the manufacture and packaging of drugs. Nude nuns work in rooms performing the task. When a nun gets out of line, she is sent off and forced to work as a prostitute. One nun manages to escape and vows to take revenge becoming a one woman wreaking crew. Plenty of nudity, full frontal, sex, rape, violence. 4 stars for fans of Grindhouse style movies, all others should avoid this film.

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When I picked this out of the rental bin, I thought 'Hey, this ought to be fun.' With that ridiculous title, I figured that the movie would be an over-the-top exploitation/comedy, which is an acquired taste, sure, but it takes all kinds, right?

Asun Ortega stars as Sister Sarah, the nun on the cover, who, after taking her vows finds that the Lord's work isn't exactly how she pictured it would be. Forced by the church elders to pack cocaine (and do so in the nude, of course), she then acts as a mule to transport the drugs to the local distributors, a motorcycle gang known as Los Muertos. The deal goes bad, and Sister Sarah is sold into prostitution and hooked on heroin. During one of her trips, she evidently (it's never shown) hears a message from God, one inspiring her to seek vengeance for herself and for her sisters.

Like I said, I expected a comedy, even if it was going to be a sleazy one, but everyone plays it straight here. You get a lot of nudity, rapes, murders, lesbianism; as much as possible for the director (Joseph Guzman) to throw on the screen it seems, so if that's your thing, then you are going to love this movie. That probably won't come as a surprise if you've already watched his first film, Run Bitch Run. He also gives extra attention to disrespecting the church's conventions (again, not surprising given his previous movie), even over and above the little synopsis I gave, so if you think that would make you uncomfortable, then you should avoid this film at all costs. With the title, you might think that was obvious, but the amount of anger leveled at the clergy's corruption is beyond even what's suggested there.

Here's the deal: If you're into exploitation movies, you're probably going to watch this. I am, and did, and I wouldn't discourage anyone else from it, if they are also into this sort of thing. But it all feels pretty flat to me. For some reason I never could really get on Asun Ortega's side, which is a must if you're going to root for her when she starts wreaking holy vengeance. And in the final act, as the members of Los Muertos meet their judgment day, it was just bang-bang-bang, and then it was pretty much over, except their leader's shrinkage moment. I was at least expecting some inventive death scenes, but it's all pretty conventional

Most of the women in this film are rarely dressed, so there's that, except they aren't really all that attractive. Actually, they look like they fit the part, either as skanky strippers from biker bars or as plain jane nuns. David Castro, as the leader of Los Muertos, has a fairly commanding presence in the movie, kind of like a more grizzled Antonio Banderas. At least he (Castro) looks like he was having fun in the process of filming. And I have to admit that Ortega looks pretty sweet in her avenging angel garb.

Obviously the movie sets up for a part II, so we'll see what new nunnery depths Guzman has in store for us. Or not, depending on how sleazy you find this first installment. And it is, without a doubt, one of the more sleazy movies I've ever seen, barring some rough blue movies from the seventies. That's probably what this film comes closest to, with a dose of I Spit On Your Grave (1978). The difference is that the director of the original I Spit On Your Grave, Meir Zarchi, had some sympathy for his main character. Guzman, not so much.

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This is a Mexican Grindhouse style movie. The church supports drug dealers by the manufacture and packaging of drugs. Nude nuns work in rooms performing the task. When a nun gets out of line, she is sent off and forced to work as a prostitute. One nun manages to escape and vows to take revenge becoming a one woman wreaking crew. Plenty of nudity, full frontal, sex, rape, violence. 4 stars for fans of Grindhouse style movies, all others should avoid this film.

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